Essay Introduction. Is this right? Please Help! Due Tomorrow!?

This essay is about bullying in the book Don't Call me Ishmael! I've never written an essay before so this is my first. I have four points. 1. Bullying effects different people differently.2. Bullying occrus more in secondary college. 3. There are different types of Bullying. 4 Bullying can interfere with education/ cause learning problems.My intro so far is:There is nothing wrong with bullying. Wrong. In this composition I will tell you why bullying is wrong, the types of bullying, how bullying effects people and why bullying occurs mostly at high school. So, Why is bullying bad?Guys tell me what u think~!

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6 Responses to “Essay Introduction. Is this right? Please Help! Due Tomorrow!?”

  1. edhs says:

    Hioccrus in 2 is really occurs…In 2) this isn’t necessarily can happen not only in primary school but in some societies can be worse…in differing environments in children under 12…e.g. The maiming of children in India/elsewhere to make them malformed and to utilise them in begging on the streets as handicapped with deformed bully children into begging stealing etc…It doesn’t just happen in schools..Intro looks good otherwise…As you can see in the Third World it can effect education markedly in the primary school….boy soldiers…etc…Good Luck

  2. gastroxynsis says:

    The snappiness of the opening is good, and it will attract the attention of the reader :) If it’s your first essay, it’s not bad but in the future, try to work around saying “in this composition i will….” HOpe that helps :)

  3. underfellow says:

    you could also intergrate a quote to grab the readers attention. i would suggest to organize more your though . for exampleHave you ever bullied or been bullied?Bullying is very negative and creates major problems for our society. Nothing good comes out of bullying. It could very well change or ruin a person’s life. Bulling is a major issue abusing those who are less power can cause to experience fear, depression, loneliness, anxiety, low self-esteem, physical illness, and in some cases, even suicidal thoughts.In this composition we will see why bulling is wrong,how it effects their victims,and why it occurs mainly in schools.

  4. trek says:

    it’s good :) you could maybe also add that bullying effects the person’s self esteem/confidence?

  5. hobbyhorses says:

    Umm, the first sentence is weak. You need something to grab the reader’s attention. Maybe start out with an anecdote or a statistic. Also, NEVER write “in this composition, I will tell you….” or anything close to that, because we know you’re going to write about it, so just introduce your points and end off with a strong thesis.

  6. Galchic says:

    It’s affects a person’s self esteem, social skills, health, education, character ( a person’s character can be ruined), embarrassment of oneself,sanity.effects: worthless, anger, depression, acute shyness, rebellious, eerie silent moments around certain people, fear, sickness, suicide (death).