Proof read short essay plez !?

plez just say anything i should changeLanguage ArtsNovember 6, 2009The Insider on the OutsidersThe Outsider by S.E Hinton is a creative, interesting, meaningful, life perspective-changing book that takes you into the lives of Ponyboy, Dally, Johnny, and a few other young boys that call themselves greasers. The greasers fit together just like a puzzle, all of the boys are as close as brothers, because they all grew up in a tight knit neighborhood together, and know a lot about each other. Throughout the book you learn of the struggles and losses of every character, but perhaps the biggest loss is the one that goes unnoticed, the loss of their innocence.Ponyboy the youngest of the greasers, Has two older brothers named Darry, and Sodapop. He is not like the other greasers its not that he is weird, he just looks at life a different way he sees the beauty and significance in things when no one else really can. Just like all of the other greasers, Ponyboy had to grow up way to fast; he never got the chance to enjoy the pure bliss of just being a kid. Having grown up so fast kind of hardened him in a way, sort of like a chocolate, he is hard, plain and conformed on the outside, but special, and different on the inside. Ponyboy had continuously losing his innocence over a short period of time ever since his parents died. Day by day, it was slowly slipping out of his grasp, the final bits of it were lost the day that Johnny killed Bob. Seeing something horrific like that can change a person forever and boy for Ponyboy, and Johnny it really did.Dally was one of the older greasers, before he became a greaser he used to run with gangs in New York. Dally is Ponyboy’s least favorite member of the gang, he considers him "Tougher, colder, meaner" Dally’s violent tendencies make him more dangerous than the other greasers, "the fight for self-preservation had hardened him beyond caring." He really take pride in him criminal record. His dad was locked up a lot when he was young leaving him pretty much on his own. He has been in jail multiple time for many different things, he was hardened in jail, but he still has a soft spot for Johnny. After Johnny Kills Bob, he and Ponyboy are in such a stupor the only thing they can think to do is find Dally. When Johnny dies it kills Dally inside, and once you die inside the outside is soon to follow. His life was just so incomplete with out Johnny, although he would never come out and say it, Johnny was his rock, and the only reason he got up each morning without him he was incomplete, and in his mind there was no reason to live.Johnny was the second youngest of the greasers, but he had seen and been through just as much of any of them. From being smacked around by his parents, to killing Bob to save Ponyboy, Johnny had a real rough life. He didn’t ask for that life, that life asked for him, it claimed him as his victim, robbed him of his innocence and left him for dead. Everyday Johnny fought to stay alive to see the next sunset, he did not want to die he still had so much to live for. But when it’s your day, it’s your day and nobody out there is ever going to change that.So really the greasers are just a human puzzle, each piece is a little different, but over time they all fit together. When a piece is lost the puzzle is never complete again. You search all over beliving you will eventually find the piece, but you never do. You finally come to realization, that it’s gone, and you will just have to live without it, incomplete. Over time, you come accustom to the incompleteness of it but you never 100% over look that pieces are gone. The greasers are just like that, each person is a little different, but over time, they all start to fit together. When a greaser is lost (Johnny, Dally) the rest of them are never the same again, there is always that empty spot in their hearts, and lives were they used to be. It’s hard to believe that they are actually gone, you adamantly deny it, but eventually the truth sets in that they are gone. Over time, the pain subsides, but there is always that little pinch of hurt in the back of your heart.

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One Response to “Proof read short essay plez !?”

  1. laparotomies says:

    My advice is that you seek some extra help with your writing composition, punctuation, and grammar, because all of these things need a lot of work. Ask your Language Arts teacher where you can seek extra help for these issues.Grammar Bytes is a really awesome free, interactive website that will help you with your grammar. [external link] used to help this site to help my students. A bigger problem that you’re having is that you are not always writing in an academic tone. For example, you seem much too familiar with your audience when you write: “When a piece is lost the puzzle is never complete again. You search all over believing you will eventually find the piece, but you never do. You finally come to realization, that it’s gone, and you will just have to live without it, incomplete.” Think of a way you can make the same point in a more academic manner. One trick to writing more academically, is to simply imagine that you are writing for very intelligent, older people who you have never met. What you are working is fine for brainstorming but it isn’t even a first draft yet. Work on making it more academic, work on the organization of the essay ( it should contain a thesis, some supporting paragraphs, which tie into your thesis, and a conclusion that ties up your whole essay). I hope this isn’t due tomorrow because it needs a lot more work than proofreading can provide. It needs to be re-written. Best of luck.