Help with making this paragraph better?

Ok…so this is a part of mine essay and I need help to make it better…the essay is on ‘Success" and what it means to me (personally) and I have to provide a personal example, this is basically describing success as being a struggle and I need more things to add (which I have no idea what to add) can u please read it and see what else I can add and how I can make it better thanks a lot SUCCESS AS STRUGGLEEvery goal you achieve, every problem you solve, has an obstacle that you must overcome. As a result, going through the struggle helps you appreciate in accomplishing that goal. When I was young, one of my goals in life was to live in peace. As a young child living in a warfare country, not knowing if you will survive another day was a struggle that I had to go through everyday. Hearing bombshells, and kids screening was ordinary. When our family reached Russia by a boat. It was truly the happiest day in my life. From then on I consider myself to be successful because I was optimistic and from going through all the hardships I have learned how to appreciate the things I have now.

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One Response to “Help with making this paragraph better?”

  1. basifiers says:

    When I was younger my primary goal in life was to live in peace. I am from (your country) and while I was growing up there was a war going on. Everyday I heard bombs going off and the sounds of children screaming. This made me very afraid and it was a struggle just to survive another day. My family was able to escape this environment by fleeing to Russia by boat. ( describe how you felt as you went to the boat and describe how you felt on the boat ride.) As I saw the shores of Russia I was very happy. Nothing can match the feeling that I had as I stepped foot onto Russian land, it was the happiest day of my life. I currently live in peace and consider myself to be very successful since I have been able to overcome such a difficult situation.