Could someone please critique my college application essay?





I have come up with a draft but i am not very confident about it being effectivethe essay is about why i have chosen computer engineering and why i have selected the university of torontoAs a child of about three when I was barely able to read, I was once sitting by the computer hitting blindly at the keys when suddenly the screen went blank and the machine refused start. When taken to the computer technician he said that the operating system had somehow been deleted which was something that even he did not know how to do. That was the first computer that came into our house. As a consequence, I grew up listening to this story of how I destroyed our very first computer and it left me stunned each time I heard it. As a student this incident fuelled in me, an interest to study in detail about the machine which I so easily ruined. It is because of this fascination that I would like to pursue my career as a computer engineer. Nowadays, we cannot imagine our life without computers and the fact is that they have become so important that nothing can replace them. Be it from the simple home computers to the mighty space explorers, computer systems are employed in almost every aspect of the modern world. Our lives have been affected to such an extent that we can call it a digital revolution. Engineering is also practical. For example, computers are not only used to simplify tasks in communications, entertainment, and travel for consumers, but are also a vital component in other professions as well. Surgeons now use robots to operate on patients from halfway across the world. Businessmen rely on powerful computer software to accurately analyze and interpret company statistics. As a future computer engineer or scientist, I hope to capture that essence of innovation, excitement, and practicality in my own work. The first step I must take to achieve this goal lies in the University of Toronto. Being among the best in North America, the department of electrical and computer engineering at the university offers both breadth and depth in its curriculum. Also, the University of Toronto not only provides students with a solid education, but also helps them prepare for the future. I hope to take advantage of many of the high standard of education, which will undoubtedly help me gain insight into the professional world of engineering. I am confident that the University of Toronto has all the vital tools that I will need in order to grow and succeed as a student. Its exceptional engineering department, comprehensive curriculum, competitive learning environment, and wealth of opportunities for research and internships make it the optimal place for me to not just become an engineer, but become an engineer who can make a difference.



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One Response to “Could someone please critique my college application essay?”

  1. dismisser says:

    It’s very good. When I read the last paragraph, I thought: how prepare them for the future, other than by providing an education? To eliminate this “reader’s question,” I suggest you rearrange the last few sentences, like this:Also, the University of Toronto not only provides students with a solid education, but also helps them prepare for the future. Its exceptional engineering department, comprehensive curriculum, competitive learning environment, and wealth of opportunities for research and internships make it the optimal place for me to not just become an engineer, but become an engineer who can make a difference. I hope to take advantage of many of the high standardS of education, which will undoubtedly help me gain insight into the professional world of engineering. I am confident that the University of Toronto WILL PROVIDE ME WITH all the vital tools that I will need in order to grow and succeed as a COMPUTER ENGINEER.There are other ways to handle this; this is only one.